Quiet pains of lesbians
August 21, 2011 about Uncategorized
LookAtVietnam - Holding her husband’s hand at the
wedding ceremony, but Thi was very sad. Her efforts to love a man seemed to
nearly break into tears but she could not cry because this is the right thing to
do.
wedding ceremony, but Thi was very sad. Her efforts to love a man seemed to
nearly break into tears but she could not cry because this is the right thing to
do.
The wedding day is the happiest day for any girl but for
Thi, 31, in Dong Da district, Hanoi is opposite. That day is the full stop for
her aspiration to live with her self – a lesbian.
Thi, 31, in Dong Da district, Hanoi is opposite. That day is the full stop for
her aspiration to live with her self – a lesbian.
As a schoolgirl, Thi knew that she only liked girls.
Growing up, she had a girlfriend though many guys paid court to her. But Thi did
not dare to tell her parents about her absurd love affair.
Growing up, she had a girlfriend though many guys paid court to her. But Thi did
not dare to tell her parents about her absurd love affair.
Thi’s parents have three children. The eldest daughter –
Thi’s elder sister – is over 40 years old but she does not want to get married.
The youngest son returned home after several years working far from home, with a
daughter. Thi, therefore, became the only hope of her parents.
Thi’s elder sister – is over 40 years old but she does not want to get married.
The youngest son returned home after several years working far from home, with a
daughter. Thi, therefore, became the only hope of her parents.
After Thi’s girlfriend said goodbye after four years to get
married, Thi thought that the right direction for her was to be a woman to
please her parents and to be normal as others.
married, Thi thought that the right direction for her was to be a woman to
please her parents and to be normal as others.
After having affairs with three men, Thi decided to marry,
though she did not love him. She forced herself to show her love for him to
progress to marriage. But finally, the marriage broke up because she could not
leave that way.
though she did not love him. She forced herself to show her love for him to
progress to marriage. But finally, the marriage broke up because she could not
leave that way.
Like Thi, under family’s pressure, Duong, 25 in An Giang
province, tried to deny herself as a lesbian to get married. But it turns out
that it is a wrong decision. The new life is a torture. She never feels wretched
like that.
province, tried to deny herself as a lesbian to get married. But it turns out
that it is a wrong decision. The new life is a torture. She never feels wretched
like that.
Duong’s husband doesn’t harass or neglect her, but he is
very kind and pampers his wife. Duong, thus, feels guilty and is frightened. “If
he was cold to me, I would have felt more comfortable. Whenever the night comes,
I’m very scared because I have to sleep with him. I want to seek reasons to
divorce but he is so kind,” Duong said.
very kind and pampers his wife. Duong, thus, feels guilty and is frightened. “If
he was cold to me, I would have felt more comfortable. Whenever the night comes,
I’m very scared because I have to sleep with him. I want to seek reasons to
divorce but he is so kind,” Duong said.
Duong sees her husband as a friend. Her heart directs to
another girl.
another girl.
Nguyen Quynh Trang, an official from the Institute for
Social, Economic and Environment Research, says that many lesbians have the same
choice like Duong and Thi. They choose it for themselves and for their parents.
They are frightened to live differently from others.
Social, Economic and Environment Research, says that many lesbians have the same
choice like Duong and Thi. They choose it for themselves and for their parents.
They are frightened to live differently from others.
The Institute for Social, Economic and Environment Research
recently conducted a survey on lesbians in Hanoi, with the participation of 40
lesbians, aging from 19 to 30. Most of them are single but some of them tried to
have relationships with men or plan to get married to be normal.
recently conducted a survey on lesbians in Hanoi, with the participation of 40
lesbians, aging from 19 to 30. Most of them are single but some of them tried to
have relationships with men or plan to get married to be normal.
“I’m independent but I’m not sure whether I can live this
way – getting married or simply living together with a girl. I understand what I
want but I know my responsibility to my family,” said Van, 25.
way – getting married or simply living together with a girl. I understand what I
want but I know my responsibility to my family,” said Van, 25.
But Van still wonders whether she can overcome her own
barrier to have relations with men or not.
barrier to have relations with men or not.
Many parents think simply that if their daughters, who are
lesbians, have boyfriends and get married, their problem is solved. But it is
not so simple like this.
lesbians, have boyfriends and get married, their problem is solved. But it is
not so simple like this.
“Trying to be heterosexuals, many lesbians have tried to
have boyfriends and get married but they could not love the men. Once they do
things that are contrary to their wishes or love, they cannot feel peaceful or
happy,” Trang said.
have boyfriends and get married but they could not love the men. Once they do
things that are contrary to their wishes or love, they cannot feel peaceful or
happy,” Trang said.
“Some parents think that forcing their daughters to change
their sexual trend to be heterosexuals is to help them become ‘normal’. But
homosexuality is normal for homosexuals in general and lesbians in particular.
Forcing them to change their sexual trend makes them become abnormal,” she
added.
their sexual trend to be heterosexuals is to help them become ‘normal’. But
homosexuality is normal for homosexuals in general and lesbians in particular.
Forcing them to change their sexual trend makes them become abnormal,” she
added.
Knowing his daughter falling in love with a girl, the
father cheated his daughter to take sleeping pills and sleep with a man. The
father hoped that his daughter would have to accept the man that way. But when
the girl woke up, she went mad.
father cheated his daughter to take sleeping pills and sleep with a man. The
father hoped that his daughter would have to accept the man that way. But when
the girl woke up, she went mad.
“Whenever I closed my eyes at night, I see my daughter
gradually dieing in whirl pool. She called me to help but I turned my back to
her…,” said Mr. Tan in Hanoi, the father in this story.
gradually dieing in whirl pool. She called me to help but I turned my back to
her…,” said Mr. Tan in Hanoi, the father in this story.
A member of the survey group, Nguyen Thi Thu Nam, said that
some people accept their daughters as lesbians but they are influenced by people
around them.
some people accept their daughters as lesbians but they are influenced by people
around them.
“My parents used to sympathize with me but whenever they
saw someone on the street and they asked my parents about me, such as how is
your daughter? Has she got married?… they returned home very angry and scolded
me,” a 21-year-old lesbian told the survey group.
saw someone on the street and they asked my parents about me, such as how is
your daughter? Has she got married?… they returned home very angry and scolded
me,” a 21-year-old lesbian told the survey group.
Nam said that the community should be sympathetic with
homosexuals and their families. Supportive services for homosexuals and their
parents are also needed to assist them to cope with social problems.
homosexuals and their families. Supportive services for homosexuals and their
parents are also needed to assist them to cope with social problems.
Nguyen Van Anh, a senior official from the Centre for
Gender Research and Scientific Application, said that
Gender Research and Scientific Application, said that
Quiet pains of lesbians
August 21, 2011 about Uncategorized
LookAtVietnam - Holding her husband’s hand at the
wedding ceremony, but Thi was very sad. Her efforts to love a man seemed to
nearly break into tears but she could not cry because this is the right thing to
do.
wedding ceremony, but Thi was very sad. Her efforts to love a man seemed to
nearly break into tears but she could not cry because this is the right thing to
do.
The wedding day is the happiest day for any girl but for
Thi, 31, in Dong Da district, Hanoi is opposite. That day is the full stop for
her aspiration to live with her self – a lesbian.
Thi, 31, in Dong Da district, Hanoi is opposite. That day is the full stop for
her aspiration to live with her self – a lesbian.
As a schoolgirl, Thi knew that she only liked girls.
Growing up, she had a girlfriend though many guys paid court to her. But Thi did
not dare to tell her parents about her absurd love affair.
Growing up, she had a girlfriend though many guys paid court to her. But Thi did
not dare to tell her parents about her absurd love affair.
Thi’s parents have three children. The eldest daughter –
Thi’s elder sister – is over 40 years old but she does not want to get married.
The youngest son returned home after several years working far from home, with a
daughter. Thi, therefore, became the only hope of her parents.
Thi’s elder sister – is over 40 years old but she does not want to get married.
The youngest son returned home after several years working far from home, with a
daughter. Thi, therefore, became the only hope of her parents.
After Thi’s girlfriend said goodbye after four years to get
married, Thi thought that the right direction for her was to be a woman to
please her parents and to be normal as others.
married, Thi thought that the right direction for her was to be a woman to
please her parents and to be normal as others.
After having affairs with three men, Thi decided to marry,
though she did not love him. She forced herself to show her love for him to
progress to marriage. But finally, the marriage broke up because she could not
leave that way.
though she did not love him. She forced herself to show her love for him to
progress to marriage. But finally, the marriage broke up because she could not
leave that way.
Like Thi, under family’s pressure, Duong, 25 in An Giang
province, tried to deny herself as a lesbian to get married. But it turns out
that it is a wrong decision. The new life is a torture. She never feels wretched
like that.
province, tried to deny herself as a lesbian to get married. But it turns out
that it is a wrong decision. The new life is a torture. She never feels wretched
like that.
Duong’s husband doesn’t harass or neglect her, but he is
very kind and pampers his wife. Duong, thus, feels guilty and is frightened. “If
he was cold to me, I would have felt more comfortable. Whenever the night comes,
I’m very scared because I have to sleep with him. I want to seek reasons to
divorce but he is so kind,” Duong said.
very kind and pampers his wife. Duong, thus, feels guilty and is frightened. “If
he was cold to me, I would have felt more comfortable. Whenever the night comes,
I’m very scared because I have to sleep with him. I want to seek reasons to
divorce but he is so kind,” Duong said.
Duong sees her husband as a friend. Her heart directs to
another girl.
another girl.
Nguyen Quynh Trang, an official from the Institute for
Social, Economic and Environment Research, says that many lesbians have the same
choice like Duong and Thi. They choose it for themselves and for their parents.
They are frightened to live differently from others.
Social, Economic and Environment Research, says that many lesbians have the same
choice like Duong and Thi. They choose it for themselves and for their parents.
They are frightened to live differently from others.
The Institute for Social, Economic and Environment Research
recently conducted a survey on lesbians in Hanoi, with the participation of 40
lesbians, aging from 19 to 30. Most of them are single but some of them tried to
have relationships with men or plan to get married to be normal.
recently conducted a survey on lesbians in Hanoi, with the participation of 40
lesbians, aging from 19 to 30. Most of them are single but some of them tried to
have relationships with men or plan to get married to be normal.
“I’m independent but I’m not sure whether I can live this
way – getting married or simply living together with a girl. I understand what I
want but I know my responsibility to my family,” said Van, 25.
way – getting married or simply living together with a girl. I understand what I
want but I know my responsibility to my family,” said Van, 25.
But Van still wonders whether she can overcome her own
barrier to have relations with men or not.
barrier to have relations with men or not.
Many parents think simply that if their daughters, who are
lesbians, have boyfriends and get married, their problem is solved. But it is
not so simple like this.
lesbians, have boyfriends and get married, their problem is solved. But it is
not so simple like this.
“Trying to be heterosexuals, many lesbians have tried to
have boyfriends and get married but they could not love the men. Once they do
things that are contrary to their wishes or love, they cannot feel peaceful or
happy,” Trang said.
have boyfriends and get married but they could not love the men. Once they do
things that are contrary to their wishes or love, they cannot feel peaceful or
happy,” Trang said.
“Some parents think that forcing their daughters to change
their sexual trend to be heterosexuals is to help them become ‘normal’. But
homosexuality is normal for homosexuals in general and lesbians in particular.
Forcing them to change their sexual trend makes them become abnormal,” she
added.
their sexual trend to be heterosexuals is to help them become ‘normal’. But
homosexuality is normal for homosexuals in general and lesbians in particular.
Forcing them to change their sexual trend makes them become abnormal,” she
added.
Knowing his daughter falling in love with a girl, the
father cheated his daughter to take sleeping pills and sleep with a man. The
father hoped that his daughter would have to accept the man that way. But when
the girl woke up, she went mad.
father cheated his daughter to take sleeping pills and sleep with a man. The
father hoped that his daughter would have to accept the man that way. But when
the girl woke up, she went mad.
“Whenever I closed my eyes at night, I see my daughter
gradually dieing in whirl pool. She called me to help but I turned my back to
her…,” said Mr. Tan in Hanoi, the father in this story.
gradually dieing in whirl pool. She called me to help but I turned my back to
her…,” said Mr. Tan in Hanoi, the father in this story.
A member of the survey group, Nguyen Thi Thu Nam, said that
some people accept their daughters as lesbians but they are influenced by people
around them.
some people accept their daughters as lesbians but they are influenced by people
around them.
“My parents used to sympathize with me but whenever they
saw someone on the street and they asked my parents about me, such as how is
your daughter? Has she got married?… they returned home very angry and scolded
me,” a 21-year-old lesbian told the survey group.
saw someone on the street and they asked my parents about me, such as how is
your daughter? Has she got married?… they returned home very angry and scolded
me,” a 21-year-old lesbian told the survey group.
Nam said that the community should be sympathetic with
homosexuals and their families. Supportive services for homosexuals and their
parents are also needed to assist them to cope with social problems.
homosexuals and their families. Supportive services for homosexuals and their
parents are also needed to assist them to cope with social problems.
Nguyen Van Anh, a senior official from the Centre for
Gender Research and Scientific Application, said that preconception against gays
has become more gentle, but it is still very heavy against lesbians.
Gender Research and Scientific Application, said that preconception against gays
has become more gentle, but it is still very heavy against lesbians.
PV
No comments:
Post a Comment