Vietnamese men impose a double standard on women by demanding virgin wives while also insisting on engaging in premarital sex, a study finds
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| A couple kiss at their wedding in Ben Tre Province in the Mekong Delta. Many men in Vietnam want their bride to remain chaste while preferring premarital sex for themselves. |
“This is a time when people don’t care about virginity. It’s normal to have sexual relations before marriage,” the Retail Management Service Manager at The Nielsen Company told Thanh Nien Weekly.
However, she said a girl should be aware of possible consequences of premarital sex.
“The public has opened [toward premarital sex] but it doesn’t mean they accept it as easily as in the West,” she said.
Phuong is one of many Vietnamese women who have made choices in the context of the double standard imposed by many local men who consider virginity one of the most important criteria in marriage, but still engage in as much premarital sex as possible.
A recently released survey found there is still a systematic gender inequality in the perceptions and attitudes of Vietnamese men toward men’s and women’s sexuality, in which women are subjected to a much stricter view and more punishment when they are involved in premarital or extramarital sex.
The study conducted in 2007 and announced in May 2010 by the Institute for Social Development Studies surveyed 228 men from Hanoi, the former Ha Tay Province [which was merged into Hanoi in August 2008], and Ho Chi Minh and Can Tho cities, four locations that represent four major political, economic, and social environments of contemporary Vietnam.
The survey, conducted through questionnaire and in-depth interviews, concluded that Vietnamese men believe that they should not be punished equally like women if they take part in premarital or extramarital sex and 45 percent of the respondents admitted that they had sex before marriage, with a large proportion of these men having had sex with prostitutes multiple times.
A culture thing
Vu Thanh Long, a researcher at the Institute for Social Development Studies who is a member of the survey team, said unfair prejudices had been adopted by many Vietnamese people, including women.
“It may not necessarily be selfishness that gives men this attitude toward virginity and marriage. Maybe the notions of masculinity and femininity for Vietnamese men and women cause the situation,” he told Thanh Nien Weekly.
“Most of the time, men are taught and expected to be active, brave, and experienced, while virtuous women are believed to be the passive, obedient, and innocent ones.”
He said Vietnamese women had told the survey that they couldn’t rely on innocent and inexperienced men as a husband and therefore preferred to have a husband that is confident and experienced.
“These perceptions can do nothing but reaffirm the double standards that disadvantage the women.”
Long also said that such notions have repeatedly been reinforced by families, schools, and the media. On the other hand, the scientist said that young generations are more “open” in dealing with premarital sex, cohabitation, and adultery.
Thirty-year-old Nguyen Duy Tuan said he hadn’t had sexual relations and insisted on marrying a virgin girl when he was a student several years ago. However, the PetroVietnam employee said he had since engaged in premarital sex, and his perceptions have changed. He no longer expects to marry a virgin girl anymore.
Pham Thanh Thao, a teacher of Chinese and a translator at the National Sports Training Center 2 in HCMC’s Thu Duc District, said she would accept a husband who had premarital sex. However, the 25- year-old woman said she wants to preserve her virginity until marriage.
“I wouldn’t cross the barriers to do that [have sexual relations] before marriage,” she told Thanh Nien Weekly.
“It is better to allow my boyfriend to make the mistake [of having premarital sex] so that he could be better in the future, rather than having him know nothing about that and be allured [into extramarital sex] later,” Thao said.
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