Contrary to concern by her family and friends, Nguyen Minh Nguyet is enjoying a happy life after divorce. The textile worker finally decided to separate after two years of marriage.
"It was truly difficult for me to decide," the mother of one said. "But my life is still ahead. Although it’s really difficult for a low-income mother with a little daughter, I wanted an end to an unhappy union."
According to Ha Noi People’s Court’s annual report for 2007, more and more women are taking the initiative in asking for a divorce. They take the lead in 70-80% of all cases, an increase of 20-25% on previous years.
Researcher Hoang Ba Thinh from the Centre for Gender, Family and Environment said many women sought divorce because their husbands did not respect or protect the marriage. After the split, women often became more charming because they had more time to take care of themselves.
However, according to Thinh, many don’t re-marry because they feel men can be impossible and leave their wives to shoulder all the family’s burdens.
She also said Vietnamese women were becoming more authoritative and economically independent in marriage. Pham Thi Ngoc Anh, research director for the Women’s Union Central Committee, shares Thinh’s views that there is a major change occurring in women’s outlooks and that, in family matters, they are now far more decisive.
"The status of women in the family is changing for the positive," the researcher said. "There is an obvious move towards equality for women, although this is happening more slowly in some regions."
Other social impacts have contributed to the increase in divorces, but Vietnamese women have exercised great self-control as they become more self-aware.
And the change is not just happening in cities. Rural women are becoming more involved in the family economy as they help improve living standards.
"Our latest survey, conducted at eight randomly-selected provinces and cities, reveals that 46% of 1,610 women spoken to were in control of the family budget," Anh said. "And the budget of 41% of families investigated is managed by both wife and husband."
Double duty
A senior official at a State-owned newspaper office, Nguyen Minh Hanh, a mother of two, said in modern society, women had increased responsibilities to society and family. "During the nation’s rapid growth, we have become overloaded with obligations. We perform office jobs as well as housework."
Wives must also spend much more effort on their jobs so they have less time to spend on their families. The director of the Institute for Social Development Studies, Khuat Thu Hong, said a modern woman was full of contradictions. She had to be successful at work and be a good mother, wife and daughter-in-law as well.
"Gender equality in Vietnamese society is approaching imperceptibly, but it is overloading women with responsibilities," she said. "The pressure on obligations is part of the reason marriages are falling to pieces."
It’s still common in Vietnam for husbands to leave all family affairs to their wives. According to Pham Thi Ngoc Anh’s survey, only 20% of Vietnamese husbands help their wives with housework.
Fifty per cent of married women said they spent from two to four hours a day doing housework. In rural areas, this is often four to six hours. This highlights the difference between urban and rural men and between low-educated and well-educated men, Anh said. "Male farmers and low-educated men perform fewer family tasks than urban or well-educated men."
Hong said the roles being pushed on Vietnamese women were becoming unrealistic, adding that women weren’t strong enough or have enough time to do all the work. "All people admit women are suffering more adverse consequences from modern life than men due to the increased pressures," she said.
Living skills are very important in modern society and it helps to know how to arrange personal schedules. Our women need help from husbands and family members to enjoy a comfortable and healthy life and keep the family happy.
Hanoi woman Chu Thi Sam said her two daughters-in-law didn’t always have to prepare dinners after work. "A dinner at restaurant is good if all are happy," she said.
True gentlemen should help their wives or wives-to-be so they have time to relax and care for themselves as well as devoting time to all their tasks.
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